Much I don't understand
Sunday, June 17, 2007
There are a few things that have been in in my mind and around me, and I'm starting to feel very confused, or very insecure about myself.
Being conscious about my image has been my weakness for quite sometime, and the way things are going I think it's getting worse. Part of me feel like quitting work at tns, but part of me says quitting is just being chicken. One of my colleagues is so petite and pin-thin, yet she still insists on losing two kilos. She and the supervisor are so familiar with slimming teas and pills it just makes me feel sick to know that I wasted my time cycling on a bicycle, swimming in the pool, running on the treadmill, eating loads of fruits and vegetables to the extent that dad lectured me about how the human teeth are designed to take meat as well.
Slimming pills to them is like looking at the back of their hands. This-phen and that-tea, I don't even know what language they are speaking despite the fact that I've studied chemistry once before. Two-weeks-5-kilos, wearing jeans that are sized 27-28 (I barely fit those!), and hearing my petite-pin-thin colleague desperate to lose two kilos makes me feel like a morbidly obese being (Arlyne, you would know which colleague I'm talking about - she approached you before I returned to the shop after my break).
I asked this colleague of mine, how much she weighed. 42kg, as I remember. She's less than 10cm shorter than myself, and she wants to lose 2 kgs. I'm 62kg. 20kgs heavier. Is that why I'm not employed as a part-time model, like herself? Is that why I do not have my ideal boyfriend? Is that why I have such bad luck with freaks wherever I go? (okay that was mean but I just don't know how to classify the people I've had misfortunate encounters with).
To make matters worse, she makes such a big deal about what she eats - she lists whatever she ate throughout the day, and even though I protest against it, she does the same for me. My list would be double her list, and that's only after tea time. She would go "Tsk, azzie, you have to stop eating for the day!". Whaaat.
The more I think of this, the more I feel that I should eat. Doesn't make sense, does it? I visit Beard Papa's and Teppanyaki just about every tea time now. Don't even get me started on my complete meals.
Work has been effing boring as in a weekday, it has gone to a point where only two customers stepped into the shop during my shift. Due to the amount of time I spend listening to the same bunch of songs (the cd player in the shop will not play any other disc than Rihanna's or Robbie Williams and one particular mix), I've had the stupidest bunch of conversations ever:
A: May I help you with anything?
Customer: Yes. I'm looking for body shampoo.
A: *thinks for a while* Would that be for hair or for body?
Customer: I mean, body wash.
A: Oh. These are all the body washes we got. *points to shelf with many bottles of body wash/gel/bubbles*
Customer: I want the one with crystals in it.
A:... *takes a while to think* These types? *points to bath rocks*
Customer: No no, never mind. *walks out*
A: *stunned*
Customer: Excuse me, my husband just had a bout of flu, so his ears are still quite blocked. Do you have anything that can ease up the wax a bit?
A: *thinks of how to respond* Err... sorry, we actually sell hair, face and body care products... so I don't think you can find any of that sort here... *stupefied*
Customer: Excuse me, do you sell sliced soap?
A: ... *thinks of and shows the soap bars*
Customer: No, not this one... the one *does the slicing action with one hand on some invisible antity on the palm of the other*
A:...
Customer: Ya I'm looking for the shampoos...
A: Oh they're over here. *points at bottles*
Customer: Eh, where's the wheat?
A: It's one of the ingredients used in the shampoo
Customer: NO, I meant the one I bought previously had one wheat stalk inside it. This is not the one lah. *walks out*
A:.... *stupefied yet again*
Customer: EH! Last time I came here I bought the whitening cream arr. How come I use, I keep getting darker?
A: Hmm.. which one is it?
Customer: This one *points to the whitening concentrate*
A: Do you stand under the sun often or a lot during the day?
Customer: Of course lah!
A: Do you use sunscreen?
Customer: What's that?
A:... Sunscreen protects you from getting burned by the sunlight. This whitening cream doesn't. So you stand under the sun a lot, you use the whitening cream, you won't get the whitening effect, because the sunlight is going to burn you anyway...
Customer: Ya kah? Aiyo. So what do I use then?
A: *points to whitening moisturizing cream with UVA/UVB Sunscreen*
There is someone I keep thinking of, but he's literally out of my reach/sight. I don't want to, and I find it ridiculous that he should be involved in my daily thoughts, but somehow everything always falls back to him. I'm annoyed with him at the same time I kinda adore him. Why Why Why Why Why? It's so annoying, because most of the time our conversations are either insulting one another or putting each other down. But that's the cute thing about it, see
11:55 PM Azzie's got style
