Tuesday, January 30, 2007
OKay. Now that we've started on our new semester... I don't really know what to expect but I do hope that I turn out to be better at 'reading between the lines', build connections in the broadcasting world (interviews and stuff, but hopefully I get more than that >:) ), as well as being more passionate about handling the videocamera. Oooh, this feels exciting, but I'm also dying from anxiety as there are is quite a handful of reading materials to go through, alongside with more practical work, or so the course outlines for the respective modules have mentioned. Garr.
I just wonder how is it that I can try and be a little bit more optimistic about life. I have a goal - I really want to earn myself a degree in mass communication. Not just a passing degree, but an excellent degree. I want to win myself a scholarship. I want to be involved in the print and broadcasting indsutry, particularly in publishing of magazines (I want to be the next Miranda Priestly, oh yeah). But, why, why, why is it that the little bits of things that build up to become irritatingly irritating that I become severly upset, ending up being overly pessimistic that I feel like everything's spinning out of my way, out of my life, out of control that I shall never have any say in my own destiny? It's like, with all these 'little' issues, while I've placed a muffin mix into the oven, the end product turns out to be play-dough. Originally I wanted to eat muffins, but I end up... moulding dough? Gaaah.
I wonder if I can even begin to untangle my thoughts. Today, I was seated in a bus, when another male passenger hopped on board, taking the seat next to mine. Normally I don't mind having to sit next to another person. But how is it that this person, whose ass is smaller than the size of the seats in the bus, can take up more space than the seat he is sitting on in the first place? And why is it that this person keeps nudging me using his upper arms and thighs so often but make it look like they were all 'accidents'? I wanted to scream!!!
Conclusion to this? YUCK. ABSOLUTE YUCK.
Why, why, why is it that I keep getting myself into awkward situations with the opposite sex? Why? Why? Why?! Why is it that whenever I feel some sort of attraction to a member of the opposite sex, they are absolutely not interested in me at all, to the extend that they won't even look at me?! Why is it that I ALWAYS get introduced to an 'interested' member of the opposite sex in ways that put me off from the very beginning (it's not even the casual way of saying 'hi', for God's sake). Why is it that no guy that comes my way could start a calm conversation, tell me their names and ask for mine, or ask me out for a date?! WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?
Why can't I get good sleep these days? Why is it that I'd get up a couple of times in the middle of the night/early hours in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep until I nibble on something? Why is it that there's so little hair on my head? Why is it that my nails won't grow above the flesh of my fingers without breaking at the gentlest contact with pressure? Why is it that my ribcage is so bloody large that I look horrendous in a lot of things that I wish to wear? Why is it that I feel I cannot go on a day without going to the gym? Why is there always inexplainable pain I feel inside me that won't ever leave me alone? Why is it that I'm tempted to jump off the balcony? Why won't my muscles build up where I want them to and why is it that the fats always only accumulate at my waist and nowhere else where it's needed? Why bother? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?!
WHY????????????????????????
9:19 PM Azzie's got style
