Bah.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
When someone says they are just being 'concerned' of you, would they ask you if there is any guy that is of interest to you (meaning, one that can take up a 'special' position in your life) among the new people that you have met within this week?
Pathetic, really. It very much ticked me off because I told this person time to time that I wasn't ready to embark on any kind of special relationship and he keeps bombarding me with rather personal questions (all regarding my interest in him or any other male of the species), as though he couldn't trust what I have just said to him. Does anyone think I have any right to be angry or upset with him? At the moment, I do. I am very pissed. If he can't trust me when I say I'm not ready, why can't he respect that? Ugh. I'm upset to the point that I don't feel like wanting to know this person any longer. Talk about over-bearing.
I've been hurt, okay? Hurt pretty bad. It contributed to more than half the pain I had experienced during my breakdown. I don't need this to repeat itself now, and not for the next few years. Unless that person can guarantee that they would rather stick a knife into themselves rather than into me, and is a person that I can truly entrust my heart to (and when I know it's really safe) then I'll probably jump into it.
Probably. For now, I want to shape my future, and I need nothing that has the potential to sabotage it. My parents - my family, has done so much to pull me out of the darkness and there's no way I am thanking them by plunging myself back in while they are still helping me out.
I want to be a people person. I want to be the person anyone would find easy to talk to, and happy to be around with. I want to be able to write stories passionately, and present myself well in front of others. If I could, I want my name to be familiar in most households, in a good way. I want to see every different cultures and civilizations of the world. I want to do well enough to earn me a scholarship, so I can say a proper 'thank you' to my parents for giving me the chance to rebuild my life by sponsoring my studies in Mass Communication, which doesn't come cheap at all.
Yeah. Maybe it's the childish call of Valentine's day, where people are just rushing into things because they don't want to be left out of the occasion. But I much rather be on my own two feet first before I let myself get hurt again.
2:31 PM Azzie's got style
